Cas and Jem

by Darcy
(London)

I had to put the two of them down today.

I'd never had pet rats before- We'd only ever had pet cats- surprisingly our cats and rats got along really well. I didn't know what to expect of pet rats but I thought they were cute and liked their bubbly personalities. I went to visit the pet store a few times to see what they were like. By the end of the week I had my heart set on two sisters.

Cas- a beautiful white rat and Jem who was white and grey/brown.

I can't really write down all my memories because there are too many. They made my life better and pulled me out of my severe depression. I got so much joy from them.

It's been really hard today- trying to come to grips with the idea. I knew they would have to go to the vets soon- Jem had a large mammary tumor on her chest and Cas had suffered with what I think was mycoplasma for years- constantly sniffing and coughing but it had got worse.

I think another thing that made it seem harder was that something in my head kept telling me that cas didnt really need to be put down. I know that logically she did- she was in pain with the coughing and would fade away alone and in agony if I just put Jem down but still. The desicion was the hardest I've ever made.

I know that it was the right thing to do but it was so hard to send them to the bets- they were still excited to see me and be put in their travel box, sniffing my hand and letting me stratch their backs and stroke their ears. The worst bit is they looked at me with such trust. I couldn't do it- my mum had to take them to the vets because I genuinely couldn't bring myself to hand them over to be put down.

I waited for an hour- crying and tidying out their cage from all their toys and blankets.

They would have to go back int ehir cage overnight because it was too dark outside to bury them.

After an hour mum came back with the travel box with a folded up towel.

I took the box and it felt so heavy. Mum went into the kitchen and I know she was crying because she really loved them too but I really lost it when I lifted the folded up hospital pad blanket out. It was still warm and their bodies felt so heavy.

Its really hard writing this even though its been about six or seven hours.

I made the fatal mistake of wanting to see them one last time- I really wish I hadn't they looked like they were asleep, curled up together except they were stretched out unnaturally.

I had to go upstairs and throw up it was so awful seeing them like that.

I still can't beleive they're gone- I'm burying them tomorrow morning.

They were incredibly special to me and I wish they could have gone peacefully in their sleep so I wouldn't have this horrible, aching guilt.

I'm sure in time i'll be able to remember the good times of which there were many.

I'll never have pet rats again because I don't think another rat could replace the character these rats had and the love I had for them.

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