I lost a little piece of me yesterday, my ratty is gone 🙁

my little girl died suddenly yesterday. i found her laying on the bottom of her 3 level house with evidence that she has tumbled down. She was laying on her side, struggling to breath. Vet had just cleared her of pneumonia and i thought we were right on track with her URI. guess whatever killed her got the best of her.

I tried nebulizing her, that did not help. It use to. she couldnt even stand and kept struggling to keep her head up. she was doing the most painful to watch crawling thing trying to find a comfortable spot. Her little feet were so cold and so was her body. I held my little girl close and told her how much she means to me. she kept struggling. i put her higher on my neck so keep her as warm as possible. she jerked a couple of times and died. with her eyes left open. her heart stopped beating. i could not believe it. the tears…oh the tears. she turned still within 30 seconds. within minutes her little ears and feet starting to turn color. i couldnt bear the truth. it was turning into a horror show. i stroked her ears, her nose, her neck. it use to make her brux. she no longer bruxed. she was cold, stiff and changing color. i left her in her favorite spot over the next 3-4 hours on an off-case of ” what if” and ” omg i cannot believe she died . did she really die???”. walking over to her with tears to pet her every few minutes.

Finally i got up and started cleaning her palace. So this morning when i wake up i would know that i did not dream it. She in fact, did die. She is gone.

and it is 7 feet of snow outside and i cannot even give her proper burial until i can dig out my back yard. My little ball of joy and love is in a box with her favorite towel, toys and a chew toy, her favorite paper towels and a blankie- is in a freezer. awaiting spring.

my heart is broken. i cannot stop crying.

i love and miss her very much.

thank you for reading.

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