im sorry, gilbert

i had convinced my mum to buy me my first rat a few months ago, and when we went to pick one out i fell in love with one, he was a lovely golden/apricot colour and very placid. i knew i wanted to take him home, and i did, i named him gilbert and he was a very energetic rat. he tried to take a nip out of me through the cage when we got home which kinda put me off for awhile but i still loved him distantly, a few weeks ago my family left for thailand. we had made sure gilbert was comfortable with his hammock and plenty of food and water despite not having a friend to play with. my uncle was supposed to look after him. but when we got back he was larger but skinnier, i could feel his spine and his feet and tail were cold. he was also making a weird weeze/cough noise. but i dismissed it like the inexperienced firstimer i was. i still remember the last night. he wouldnt stop cuddling into my shoulder and i couldve held him a little longer but i didnt and in the morning my mum came in and said he died trying to eat a carrot. i.. didnt realise how attached to him i was until that moment. i shouldve known rats cant handle what seems to be little colds to us, i couldve cuddled him longer, gave him a friend, given him more treats but hes freaking gone and i cant even say sorry to him properly. im so sorry, i never shouldve been allowed to keep such a precious creature. im not worthy to be responsible for such a pure existence. im sorry.

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