I am very depressed since Minnie left me..

by frismaya

I am still very heartbroken and devastated because my favorite pet rat baby girl, Minnie, died 3 days ago..

Minnie was 2,5 years old, she was a bit bigger than her sister (Mickey), weighted around 480g. So when Minnie was 2 years-ish old she already walked a bit funny, and sometimes dragged one of her back leg.. Anyway a week ago Minnie dragged both of her back legs and it was so painful to watch… I took her to the vet and vet said he didn’t know what’s wrong with Minnie, could be a disease or could also be that she was already old. He advised me to go to X-ray.

2 days later we got appointment to X-ray and the other vet told me that Minnie was just old, so she had problems with walking, also she had some problems with her lungs, it seems either there was so fluid in her lungs (she sneezed quite often, with secretes/blood-coloured fluid) or lung was swollen. And that vet said sometimes if rat is too old I have to let her go.. before she suffer from more pain..

I was like “what do you mean letting her go??” as I really didn’t want to believe what I just said.
Vet said “to put her to sleep.. to free her from the pain..”

I BURST IN TEARS. I fell to the floor.
Me and my husband don’t have kids so for me both of my rats were our babies.

I was so sad and vet just said “it’s not about you, it’s about what’s good for Minnie”..

I still didn’t want to do it and I told her let’s just do the best for now and wait a couple of days, if things got worse I will get back…

So vet gave us vitamin and metacam medicine as painkillers.

The next day in the evening Minnie got really worse.. she din’t want to eat, she just laid on her side.. and what really heartbreaking was, she breathed really loud, sounded like a human having an asthma attack.. and I couldn’t really help anything and I panicked…

I tried to feed her but she didn’t want to eat, the best thing I could do was only giving her vitamin that I mixed with water through this small pipette, also the pain killer but it didn’t really help… I tried to google everything I could and followed the advice, like letting her breath near hot water as a little steam would make her breathing better, putting my arms around her and giving damp cloth, stroking her… I stayed up all night just to stroke and because I wanted her to know that I was by her side no matter what, waiting for her to get better…

in that night sometimes she didn’t breathe so loud (I was thinking she fell asleep) but a couple of minutes later she was awake again and breath loud again.. I was so scared to lose her.. she just laid in my arms very weak.. couldn’t move at all but still breathing loud.. I was so scared and I was all alone (me and my husband live in separate town due to jobs).

The sun rose and I decided to go to the vet first thing in the morning. At 9 AM I went to the vet and had her checked.. and vet said either I could wait 1-2 days and Minnie will pass away by herself, or I can decide to euthanize her now.. Vet said putting her to ‘sleep’ spares her the suffering, the pain and the fear when the ‘attack’comes..

I cried so hard. I then said ‘if it’s best for Minnie then let’s just put her to sleep..” but I cried. Vet proceeded with the first anasthesia injection and I couldn’t witness it. But he said ‘please stroke her, it’s better for her, so that she knows you are by her side”. I cried and I trembled but I tried to be strong in front of Minnie.

10 minutes later the euthanize injection followed… I was still stroking her till the very end. Minnie then slept peacefully in my hand….

I brought her home and may landlord gave me a corner in her beautiful garden to bury Minnie. She said “this is a nice place, you can always visit Minnie anytime you want..”

Until now I still cry if I miss Minnie..
Even when writing this I am crying..
I miss her so much…
I hope she is not mad at me for putting her to sleep..
I visited her grave everyday.. just to light a candle or putting some carrots and peanuts.. or talk to her..

I always ask her “Minnie are you mad at mommy for taking that decision…?”
I never so attached to animal before in my life and I was so afraid I was the one who took her life away..

Minnie… mommy misses you Minnie..
I know you can’t come back.. but I still wish you will..

can’t you see mommy is crying :'(
I am so devastated.. when she was sick I couldn’t sleep or eat properly..
even now I don’t have motivation to do sports (I always loved sports) or eat..
I don’t even want to socialize with people..

But my landlord said “another day is another heal for the pain..”
and slowly I can understand what she meant..
I am indeed still sad but I am better than I was yesterday..

I miss Minnie so much..
We used to have breakfast every morning together, play together every evening and do a lot of stuff together..

If somebody ever reads this, I am asking, how do you cope when your rat’s gone… Mickey is now alone and people said I should give her new companion, but I seriously can’t deal with this loss again. I miss Minnie too much I don’t think I am able to have pet again..

Minnie, I miss you…. :'( I miss you so much… :'(
can you hear me, Minnie….? :'(((((

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